A Broke Boss Field Study — Park Bench Edition
Tonight, I went to get my coffee.
App → order → pick-up → park.
Total wait time: 0 minutes.
Total mental effort: less than ordering a pizza.
I’m sitting there, enjoying my fully caffeinated silence, when a work van pulls up.
Ladders on top. Man inside looks tired.
He comes over, sits next to me.
We talk.
Or rather — he talks.
I listen.
“Job market is sh***.”
I nod. I’ve been there.
Then he says it:
“Spending $50 each day on ads but still not getting any calls.”
I almost spilled my coffee.
The $50-a-Day Ritual
This guy — let’s call him Pete — is running ads.
On Facebook.
Through an agency.
$50 a day.
No calls.
I ask where I should look for a local plumber.
He says: “Search Google.”
I didn’t laugh.
But inside? I was howling.
People Don’t Search Facebook for Plumbers
Let me spell it out:
If someone has a burst pipe at 9 PM, they don’t open Facebook and scroll past baby photos and memes to find a plumber. They open Google and type:
“plumber near me emergency.”
But Pete’s agency has him on Facebook.
Paying for eyeballs that don’t need plumbing.
$50 a day.
$350 a week.
$1,500 a month.
For nothing.
Why This Happens — The Broke Logic™
Pete isn’t stupid.
He’s trusting.
He hired an “agency” because he’s busy working — not googling “how to run ads.”
The agency put him on Facebook because it’s easy — for them.
Set up a campaign, collect a fee, report some likes and shares.
Pete sees “engagement.”
But his phone never rings.
Meanwhile, when he needs work himself — where does he tell people to look?
Google.
He knows the truth.
He just hasn’t applied it to himself.
The Hidden Cost of Trusting Without Testing
This isn’t about $50 a day.
It’s about a mindset:
The mindset that says:
“I hired someone, so it must be working.”
“They’re the experts.”
“I’ll just keep paying and hope.”
Hope is not a strategy.
It’s a donation — to the wrong people.
How a Boss Finds Customers
If you’re a local business — plumbing, roofing, electrical, cleaning — here’s your playbook:
- Be where people are searching. Google. Maybe Yelp. NextDoor. Not Facebook’s newsfeed.
- Use Google Local Services Ads. Pay per lead, not per click. Only pay when the phone rings.
- Get reviews. Real ones. From real customers. More reviews = higher placement = more trust.
- Track everything. If you’re spending money, know what it’s doing. “Likes” don’t pay bills. Calls do.
The Broke Boss Marketing Advice™
If you want to keep burning $50 a day and talking to park strangers about how bad business is:
- Trust agencies that put you on the wrong platform.
- Never ask “Where did you find me?” when a customer calls.
- Don’t track ROI. Just look at “engagement.”
If you want to act like a Boss:
- Advertise where people are already looking to buy.
- Pay for leads, not for likes.
- Test everything. Fire what doesn’t work.
- Be the first result when someone types “____ near me.”
Final Thought from The Broke Boss
As I drove away, I waved.
Pete waved back.
Still no calls.
Still $50 lighter.
Some people don’t need a better ad.
They just need to open Google — and look at what they’re already telling everyone else to do.
This blog is satire. Please do the opposite.